Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Counting my blessings

My first week back to work is almost over.  I think I have been surviving fairly well.  I am lucky in that I can come home to breastfeed for lunch- and my day is over pretty early.  All in all, it could be a lot worse.  Tomorrow, the children I work with will be attending the Special Olympics basketball tournament- so that should be fun.  So, I am just trying to hold on to the positive- and let go of those feelings of sadness that I was so stuck in last week.  When I went back to work after my daughter was born, it was hard- but not this hard.  I don't know why things feel so different with my son.  Maybe because he has been such an easy little baby.  I have been so relaxed and happy.  I have made tons of art.
  The story of my daughter is an intense one of longing and disappointment and finally triumph.  I tried to have her for so many years.  And after a long struggle with infertility- I was able to get pregnant with the help of some amazing IVF doctors.  She was my first miracle.  For any of your who have undergone IVF, you know that it isn't an easy road.  You spend thousands upon thousands of dollars for the mere chance that you might get pregnant.  My husband and I decided that we could not do it again.  So with great sadness, I thought my daughter would be an only child.   My siblings have always been an integral part of my identity... I was so sad at the thought that she would be without that experience.  And then, last year in January, when my daughter was two years old, I became pregnant.  At age 42, I gave birth to my beautiful son.  My second little miracle.  Life can be pretty wonderful.
   So... I am back to work, and although I can sit and feel extremely sorry for myself- I have been amazingly blessed.  I am trying to stay in relationship with that notion about myself.  That I may not be rich, or get to stay home, or have a job that I love, but I am blessed beyond words.
Ps.  I promise that the next blog entry will be more happy upbeat and full of art!


Jasmine said...

Our children are the most important things in our lives and the love we feel can overwhelm us every day. With my first child, I returned to work when she was 6 months old, out of necessity. I'm still on maternity leave now from my second pregnancy, and the thought of returning is unbrewarale. I'm watching my daughter grow so quickly i don't want to miss it.

Maye you could sell some of your art on Etsy and drop your hours as a long term plan? Best of both worlds.

Shariyah said...

Wow, your story is truly had me in tears! You are VERY blessed, and both of your children are just beautiful... thank you for sharing from your heart!
With love,

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