Thursday, July 29, 2010

Haiku my heart- swimming...

diving in water
 her awkward fearless beauty
 surfacing happy

I never learned to swim... which is why it has been so important for my daughter to learn.  I love how passionate she is about being in the water.  It takes all kinds of bribery to get her out of the pool.  
Maybe one day she will inspire me to give it a try.
Can't be a mermaid if you don't know how to swim.

To read more haikus on Haiku Friday or
maybe to add your own
visit the enchanting Rebecca

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Pinkness- Haiku my heart

distressed and ravaged
wind captures blushing blossoms
keeping you hidden

To read more haikus on Haiku Friday or
maybe to add your own
visit the enchanting Rebecca

Monday, July 19, 2010

Frida's waiting

I can become distracted by all kinds of things.  Etsy browsing... beautiful blogs... a gorgeous children's book.. I am also someone who is constantly thinking about new things to occupy my time with.  Whether it be investigating for two hours who teaches the best Flamenco Class to where I would move if I left the bay area.  In the wake of my distractions lie all of the little projects which never get quite completed.  My daughter's alphabet monsters waiting to be hung in the play room - the sketches for paintings that will never see canvas - the little dress I started to pin that never rendezvoused with the sewing machine - the yards and yards of tulle for the colorful tutu that was never made - or those paintings that are near completion, but are missing something that I can't really identify.   
My little Frida painting is one such painting.  

She sits with her sister waiting for me to figure out exactly what should be said above their heads.  "Love yourself" - "Love" - "I had a dream about you" - "Know yourself" ... I am not sure what it should say.  Should I write it in English?  Should I write it in Spanish?  Should I just leave it blank?  
Should I write something absurd?  (Like - "She didn't know what to say." ) Too many questions... so there she waits for an answer... next to the other little paitings needing to be rescued. 

What do you think I should do?  Any ideas?  Maybe I should sleep with her on my nightstand.and see what I dream about.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Haiku my heart- for my mom

and I have her eyes
her strong dark intensity
but she has my heart

Feeling much better this week:-)  Called my mom, and she cheered me up.
Thought I would honor her this Friday.

It is Haiku Friday!  
Please visit the lovely Rebecca for links to more haikus- 
and perhaps if you are feeling inspired, you can add your own.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Haiku my heart

i am so sorry
wishing i could stop the pain
knowing that i can't

Two very sad things happened this week.  Early in the week, one of the special education teachers passed away of a brain aneurysm in her classroom. She had two children under the age of five. The thought of that fact is almost too much for me to hold on to.

The second thing is this morning my best friend told me her father died.  I am heartbroken for her.  I am of that age- where parents pass away.  It is hard to find a friend wth two living parents.   I am so blessed that both of my parents are alive and at this moment healthy.  My mom battled cancer last year- but emerged cancer free... but I constantly worry.  I want my children to really know their grandparents. 

Sorry for the sad post.  Guess that is where I am today.  I need to find ways to move out of this sadness and into a place of thankfulness.  Anything can happen- which is why it is so important to always make sure that those in your life know how much you love them- and to try very hard to not take life for granted.

More Haikus- and hopefully much less depressing can be found at the lovely Rebecca's blog

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Mama bear

I have interspersed this post with lots of beautiful mama bear prints I found on ETSY.  
Click any of the links to look at some very cool artwork:-)
So, by nature I am a bit feisty.  When I don't like something, I will be the first to tell you.  I have a strong sense of justice- and don't like it when people are treated unfairly.  I probably write at least one letter a week to some lawmaker about something that is irritating me.  I am the one who is constantly posting links on my facebook page to one petition or another.  I teach a class about unlearning racism.  I don't like authority figures.  I don't believe in complaining without action.  I have been this way since I was a little girl.  So- how might this translate into being a mom?

Okay.  I think in the two and a half years Caya was in daycare, I wrote a total of about seven angry letters.  Angry because they give toddlers stickers- and then take them away when a child misbehaves (a no-no for any behavior management system), a letter because they did a project with what looked like India Ink and didn't use smocks for any of the children, a letter  because they didn't give my daughter or the other children much structure, and became angry when the children rebelled.   Lots of reasons.   At the last parent/ teacher meeting- I became so angry that I pulled my daughter out of daycare.  I felt that the caregivers were so animated and excited when talking about my daughter's faults- but lacked any enthusiasm when discussing her strengths.  When they became insulting because she likes princesses- I had no other choice but to remove her. 

Maybe I want too much.  In my professional life, I work with extremely difficult children- but not a day goes by that they don't know how much I care about them.  I can tell a parent something heartbreaking about their child (like that I fear the child might be psychotic) and at the same time help a parent find hope.  It is something that is important to me.  I guess I want the same from those people who I ask to take care of my children.

   So, this week I looked at numerous different day cares.  Some were full of play with no focus on academics- others were too focused on academics with no play - some were a bit shady - some didn't feel very safe- and some were extremely expensive.  Is it too hard to find something that encourages children to learn, is fun, safe, and affordable?  I finally settled on one- to find out today, that they are at full enrollment.  So, I will begin looking at more preschools tomorrow.

Okay... sorry for the rant.  Life just feels complicated. I think I have talked about my daughter many times before on this blog.   As someone who diagnoses children for a living, I am constantly looking at my daughter and trying to figure out who she is.  Too focused to be ADHD.  Too attached to people and attention to be Autistic or Aspergers.  No real history of a mood disorder.  But what I do have is an extremely sensitive, bright, willful, independent little girl who is not always very compliant.  When I am focused and teaching her, she is amazing.  She will sit for hours listening to me read to her.  She is already sounding out words.  Her language skills are incredible- words like ridiculous, hilarious, and exquisite are common.  She also can throw a tantrum because she doesn't like the feel of her socks.  She cried and became very angry when  I tried to watch the news because she can't stand to hear about the oil spill.  "Too many animals are being hurt!"  She fills my psyche.

   Sorry for the long tirade.  I am just really struggling.  She really is a lot like me growing up.  Where do I send her?  Will I be writing letters to caregivers forever?  Is this normal?   Will I ever calm down?
Thanks for listening.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Another mermaid

I am busy right now grading papers - I only have twenty left of 70!  Each paper is about six pages long- so it is still a ton of work.  I can't wait to be done so that I can take back my evenings for art making.  Anyway, I found an old journal and saw this image I drew six years ago.  September 26th is my son's birthday (2009).  Interesting.  That was actually my daughter's due date too - but she came four days early in 2006.  I have had two clients born on September 26th that I totally adored and think about often.  Hmmm.
  Anyway, I thought I would share this mermaid who was swimming about in my right brain six years ago :-)   For those of you who didn't see my last mermaid post -  mermaids and me.  I actually like her quite a bit.  Maybe she is worth visiting in a larger painting.
  Okay... it is late.  I better get to sleep before the baby wakes up!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Haiku my heart!

This is definitely how I am feeling this morning!  I have been surviving on 4-5 hours of disjointed sleep a night.  Hopefully soon the two little teeth I see under the surface will break free and bring my Leo some relief!

Happy Haiku Friday!  Follow this link to find more haikus and to maybe add your own!

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