almost midnight...

and here I sit feeling my little one kick and tumble. His movements are so much stronger than Caya's were. I can see my stomach undulating... waves of elbows and knees.... hands reaching... a pointed little ankle jutting from below my chest. There is truth to the notion of sadness that a mother feels when she knows that soon she will have to share this little one with others. He will no longer be mine alone. I won't be the only one to tell when he is sleeping and when he is awake. The intimacy that we have shared will end- and our new relationship will begin.

Some theorist talks about how life is a series of losses... and how dealing with each impending loss is the true task of being human. The first loss is the loss of the comfort of the womb. The cutting of the cord. No matter how difficult this pregnancy has been, I will miss this time we have shared together. You are my miracle and I am already so deeply in love with you that it hurts.