So I finally finished and photographed my mermaid painting. Now I have decided that I don't like it. It just feels like it needs something. I started to draw all over the finished painting- little jellyfish in white prismacolor. I think I like it a bit more- but I am not entirely sure. I don't know if I should paint in the jellyfish- or leave them as pencil marks ...
I have a history with mermaids. Twenty years ago, I was a performance artist and played a mermaid at art openings and other happenings. I used to bring a bucket of gummy worms and would squeal until children would feed me. I loved being a messy weird mermaid- not the romantic kind in folktales. Here is a picture I found of myself as a mermaid nearly twenty years ago! (Thanks Rachel Diebuechse for keeping this image around!)
I have always been strangely drawn to mermaids. I think it maybe something about how they live underwater. Dream interpreters often say that water symbolizes emotions I definitely live in my emotions. Now I have a daughter who is also a pretty emotional little creature. I have an intense fear of drowning- which may be a fear of my emotions one day fully overwhelming me. Maybe I should take some swimming lessons.
I don't care much for the story of the little mermaid. The notion that in order for the mermaid to be with the one she loved she needed to give up her voice always bothered my feminist sensibilities. My daughter has not seen that movie yet, and when she does- I will have to make sure that she knows that no one is worth taking away her voice. But that is another matter.
A psychic once read my past lives and told me that in one life I used to be a healer. I would go to the ocean to collect items I would use to heal people. Funny, because in this life- going to the ocean and staring at the waves is the one thing that always helps when life is too much. Maybe it has something to do with how big the ocean is. My problems seem so trivial in comparison.
So, back to my painting. I was thinking of the jellyfish as a kind of peril surrounding the mermaid.. but maybe they were only a peril imagined by the mermaid. Maybe that is why they are just a drawing and not fully painted in. Not sure. I will have to keep wrestling with it.