Caya Papaya

Auction is near!

2011-05-22T17:17:00.000-07:00

So here is some information about the auction...

The auction will benefit the Oaxaca Streetchildren Grassroots

Bids can be placed between the dates of June 5th - June 12th

Auction ends June 12th at 6 pm Pacific Standard Time

Preview the shrines beginning June 1st.

I will provide a link at that time.

For more information about the auction, check out Rebecca's blog

Recuerda Mi Corazon

I must encourage everyone to check out the shrines.

They are so beautiful and show so much love!

In the spirit of sharing, here are some pictures of my shrine

I dedicate it to my grandmother, Cayatena.

Time to Shrine Auction

2011-05-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

So here is a sneak peak of my shrine.

The date of the auction is currently TBA... but I will let you know... I think it will be soon.

I am very happy with how my shrine turned out- and I can't wait to share even more of it.

The auction benefits The Oaxaca Street Children Grassroots.

Last year, I was utterly impressed with all of the amazing, beautiful, and creative shrines

that were auctioned in support of this cause.

For more information about the Auction and to see some other sneak peaks -

visit Rebecca's blog at Recuerda mi corazon

Haiku my heart - Jelly fish

2011-04-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

pulsing hypnotic

orange contrasts against blue

tentacles aglow

I can't believe I haven't written in such a long time again! I have been working hard to give myself permission to just "do my best"- which feels awfully inadequate these days. As many of you know, I work a regular full time job as a therapist, am raising two small children, teach, and try to make and sell artwork in order to keep my creative life vibrant. The last two weeks have been teaching weekends- which means my weekends are full of teaching 8 hour day classes. So, of course my poor little blog (and artistic endeavors) have suffered.

To celebrate the completion of the class, we took the family to Monterey Bay Aquarium. . It was my son's first time. I so love it there and wanted to spend my time pointing out all of my favorite fish to my little ones. Unfortunately,I spent most of the trip chasing my daughter. After much exasperation, I grabbed her in front of this jelly fish tank and told her that if she were to run away one more time, we would leave the aquarium immediately. I explained how frightened I become when she is out of my sight. She looked in my eyes as she tried to wiggle out of my grasp. I hardly got to look at the jellyfish... or the beautiful sea horses that I had been excited all week about seeing. Oh well. Maybe next time...

I did want to share one of my daughter's new drawings of a water fairy! I just think it is beautiful. She totally captured a curtsy. These are the images that now fill my psyche with joy.

Although it would still be nice to enjoy the occasional jellyfish or seahorse.

For more Haikus

Please visit the lovely Rebecca's blog

Recuerda mi Corazon

Haiku my heart- anniversary

2011-03-25T00:03:00.000-07:00

and six years ago

with love and laughter we chose

to face it together

My husband and I will be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary this weekend. So much has happened in this last six years- the most important being the birth of our two children. We definitely do not look like we did in this picture! A lack of sleep and the trials and tribulations of parenthood have definitely made us both look a bit more frayed around the edges. But I am glad we are facing it all together.

Hopefully this year we can try to go on a date!

I missed my haiku last week. I think my general sleepiness is impacting my ability to be creative.

This week I began work on my cigar box shrine.

Here is a peek at my first drawing...

She will be painted- and applied to the inside of the cigar box.

I have some other ideas that involve a jar of corn and chile that I bought tonight at Trader Joes.

More pictures to come!

For more Haikus- Please visit Rebecca's blog

Recuerda Mi Corazon

and to find out more about Rebecca's auction

of Cigar Box Shrines

benefiting the Oaxacan Street Children

Click Here

Haiku my heart - branches

2011-03-11T00:32:00.000-08:00

A second haiku - but no picture

It is past midnight
the baby is wide awake
and I am sleepy

wish me luck... 6 am comes early!

And as always... please drop by the lovely Rebecca's blog at

Recuerdo mi Corazon

to find more Haikus or to join us.

To find out more about Haiku my Heart

Click the lovely photo by Deb did it

Haiku my Heart- Leo

2011-03-03T23:02:00.000-08:00

You can melt my heart

with your laughter and kisses

my beautiful boy

I decided for today, I would write about my son for a change! My little girl often steals the spotlight, but today she fell asleep in the back seat- and it was my little boy who entertained me on the drive home... blowing kisses at me and laughing with that tiny little voice that makes my heart ache.

I have been so busy with my monster art, raising my family, being sick, and working too much - that I have neglected my Caya Papaya blog. I am definitely on the mend, and have some art ideas that I need to work on before they escape me... so hopefully, this week I can check in before next Friday's Haiku!

And as always... please drop by the lovely Rebecca's blog at

Recuerdo mi Corazon

to find more Haikus or to join us.

To find out more about Haiku my Heart

Click the lovely photo by Deb did it

Haiku my Heart - cactus

2011-02-24T21:33:00.000-08:00

the hot desert sun

kisses pink and red blooms that

grow from twisted spines

This is the only picture I could find in my archive today that inspired me. I took it in New Mexico about five years ago. I love New Mexico- and still dream that one day I can move the family away from the ridiculously over priced bay area and settle here among the red dirt and amazing sunsets.

On another note, I was better for a couple of days but now I am sick again. I got a chest x-ray this morning, and the Doctor confirmed I have pneumonia. It is so hard to be sick with children. They need you, regardless of whether you have a 104 fever or feel like someone is stabbing you in the chest. So, that is what I am struggling with today. I guess I am the spiny cactus- but I still need to find ways to nurture my little blossoms.

Anyone have pneumonia before? What do you do about the chest pain?

For more haikus, visit the poetic Rebecca's blog

Haiku my Heart - spiral staircase

2011-02-17T22:57:00.000-08:00

all is flight and light

climbing a spiral staircase

to get somewhere else

I missed the last couple of weeks due to unbelievable sickness- but I am feeling somewhat better now. I didn't really understand when I was young without children that being sick, sleeping for days, and letting everything go is a luxury that a mother doesn't have. My body finally completely exhausted itself and I ended up in the ER getting IV fluids. I got better just in time to take care of my sick little ones. Now everyone is on the mend- and life is feeling a bit more manageable.

I am having a give away on my other blog- so drop by and leave a comment:-) alphabetty monster give-away I hope everyone out there is feeling healthy and taking care of yourself!

To read some wonderful Haikus

or to get involved yourself

visit Rebecca at Recuerda mi Corazon

Haiku my heart: California

2011-01-27T22:22:00.000-08:00

a bright cloud free sky

lifts the worn face of Mary

wishing to go home

I looked through old pictures and found this image of Chinatown here in San Francisco. I have so many beautiful photographs of this city. I remember being in complete awe when I moved here over 15 years ago. Amazing breathtaking views around every corner. A beautiful diversity that inspires me. So many things to love, and yet all I want now is to go home to Texas. I am so envious of those of you with big living spaces, family close by, and a low cost of living. But alas, my job keeps me here. But I dream of living within driving distance of my parents... and one day, I know I will find the means to pick up and go.

And when I do, I will miss the beauty of this city- and all of the views of the ocean.

Interesting aside- In my peri-menopausal state of constantly forgetting information- I thought the name of this cathedral was Grace Cathedral... then just before I posted this, I realized that this is actually St. Mary's cathedral. So, I changed the Haiku (the second line had read, "lifting the worn face of Grace") ... the interesting thing is today, my mom called from her appointment with the cancer doctor to tell me that she was still cancer free. My mom's name is Mary. (I guess she was reporting that bright cloud free sky)... and all I could think about on my drive home after talking with my mom on the phone is how much I wanted to be near her. Funny how my unconscious put that all into my Haiku before I even knew what was happening.

As always, for more Haiku Fridays

visit Rebecca at Recuerda mi Corazon ...

Leaves of my Tree Giveaway

2011-01-23T21:13:00.000-08:00

Leaves of my Tree is a wonderful blog that is currently hosting a giveaway this month- and one of the things that is being given away is a set of four of my monster prints. Some of you may not know about my monster prints- so here is a brief explanation.

Above my son's changing table used to be the image that you see above. It is a self portrait of me when I was maybe twenty with a weird feather boa on my head making a crazy face. I kept looking at it wondering what my son thought when he saw it. Was he frightened? What would he think about me if he continued to look at this every time he had a dirty diaper. What would he think about having his diaper changed? So, I decided that I needed more baby friendly art. At first, I thought of making a little garland of monsters. I have always loved monsters - and I love all things cute. So, when my children went to sleep, I made my first set of three little monsters. On each of their bellies I put the letters L - E - O to spell his name. Every time he looks at them, I tell him their names are L - E - O, and then I tickle his belly and say "Leo". I used to spell my daughter's name to her all the time when she was an infant, and she could spell her own name before she was two.

So that was the beginning of my little monsters. My husband thought they were cute, and he encouraged me to make more. I thought it would be fun to make 26 - one for every letter of the alphabet. So, I stayed up late every night making little monsters and when I was done, I opened up my second ETSY shop- Alphabetty Monsters. Thankfully, I have received lots of wonderful feedback and my little monster store is now more successful than my original store showcasing my fine art paintings. Who would have known?

I have also started a little blog dedicated to my monsters - and also my work with children. Aside from my experience as a mom, I have been a therapist working with disturbed children for going on 15 years. So please visit if you get a chance:-) Click Here

Okay.... enough about me:-) How is everyone else doing?

Haiku my heart: maya

2011-01-21T00:24:00.000-08:00

crooning so loudly

meow meow meow me

and no one can sleep

My cat, Maya, loves to hear herself talk. She meows constantly. When we got her, they said, "She is very talkative." I remember at the time thinking that was a good thing. Now I know it was a euphemism for crying at all hours of the day and night. She especially loves to cry on those nights that I have difficulty getting the children to sleep. She has some other annoying habits too. She eats anything - plastic bags, Barbie's hands, my leather boots, her own fur. We tried giving her anti-anxiety medications, but that was not very easy- and super expensive. We have two cats. Zinn the cat is more mellow. The strong quiet type.

Maya really is more my husband's cat. Animal lovers, please don't hate me, but Maya is a difficult cat to love. She is part of our family, and so I try to get along with her as best I can... but sometimes I do daydream about finding her a new home. I work all day with behaviorally disturbed children- who wants to come home to a behaviorally disturbed cat? She is a very beautiful cat though.... talkative and a little disturbed, but beautiful.

As always, for more Haiku Fridays

visit Rebecca at Recuerda mi Corazon ...

Haiku my heart - Drama Queen

2011-01-13T22:10:00.000-08:00

Such a drama queen

emotion crowned tantrum bound

spilling everywhere 

I started today with my daughter deciding to use the flat screen tv as the basis for her newest crayola masterpiece. I ended the day realizing that my son probably has a fever. Sandwiched between these two experiences was a not so fun work day. I came home to a disheveled home, loads of laundry, and nothing for dinner. I have a headache. My back hurts. My hair is falling out. (okay, that is because I am still breastfeeding- but it still pretty much sucks.)

So, I am having my adult tantrum here on Haiku Friday. (And I wonder where my daughter gets it from).

This was the only picture I could find in my archive that seemed to match my emotional state. (I wonder how many people have ever photographed themselves in a faux tantrum- didn't I have a picture of my daughter in a fake pout last week?) I hope everyone else is faring better than I have in the last twenty four hours. (Okay and I used a little artistic license with crowned... it is really two syllables, but it just felt better than crown).

Does anyone know how to get crayon off an LCD screen?

As always, for more Haiku Fridays

visit Rebecca at Recuerda mi Corazon ...

Haiku my heart - imp

2011-01-06T22:19:00.000-08:00

Winged little imp

nose upturned with pouty lips

"I will fly away"

I took this picture of my daughter standing in front of an abstract painting that I made several years ago. I often try to do abstract paintings, but whenever I do- the figurative painter in me becomes bored and unhappy with the finished product. I have always felt that the painting has needed something. For some reason, I keep seeing a large close up view of my daughter pouting at the bottom of the painting.. so the other day, I had her stand in front of it and make a little pouty face. She is pretty good at those. I had some fun with photoshop and ended up with this. I still want to do a painting on the bottom- but life is a bit too hectic to take that on for now.

I am so happy to be able to be back sharing haikus!

To read more Haikus- or to participate-

visit Recuerda mi corazon

new year - more promises...

2011-01-02T00:24:00.000-08:00

With each new year comes new promises. Some of the promises I keep. Some I consciously decide I am not ready for. Others simply fall by the wayside. My vision board this year is full of broken promises to myself. I joked with my partner that I don't even need to do a new vision board this year - since I pretty much haven't met any of last years goals. As I get older, I realize that so much of my life is lived in the moment. I want to be this super organized planner of my life, but life doesn't really work out that way.

Having children just makes that even more so.

But I do think that having some written goals are important. So, here are a few

I want to show more gratitude.
I want to be present for my children.
I want to be present in my relationships.
I want to continue to strive for a life where aside from family, art can be at my center.

I haven't written in my blog for a while. My son started daycare, which has meant we have all been super ill for the last three months. I just finished my last antibiotic- but am not feeling all together healthy. My job situation changed recently, and due to some pretty hefty budget cuts to mental health services for children, I am back to doing an old part of my job that I had hoped I was done with. I have also been focusing some of my creative energy on a new ETSY store that I created that is centered around some of the artwork I have been making for my son.

So I have been busy - but I have missed writing my blog and reading the comments that are left for me. This blog is important to me, and I love the people I have met through it- so it is something that I feel I want to recommit to this year. So, sorry I have been absent. I will try to be better:-)

Happy New Year!

May the year bring you laughter, creativity, love, beauty, inspiration, wonder, and connection.

Haiku my heart- bridge

2010-11-05T00:34:00.000-07:00

one side of the bridge

is the constant overwhelm

the other side is peace

I haven't written since September. I have two children under the age of five, I work full time as a mental health therapist, I teach at two universities, I am reading three theses (is that the plural of thesis?) for three of my students, I supervise interns, and I try to make and sell art. I am in constant overwhelm and my poor little blog has suffered (my family is not very happy either.)

Lately, I have been looking more critically at this whole overwhelm thing. Why do I overbook myself? Is the constant buzz of being busy distracting me from something else? The real problem is that in the past, I overbooked but always met my deadlines and met the expectations of those around me. With two little ones, I am not quite so able. A sick child (I have one right now) throws my entire schedule into a tizzy.

I have been reading a wonderful book called "Healing Rage" by Ruth King. She says that it is anger that I am distracting myself from. She also talks about a fear of being still. Something in this resonates. The only time I feel still is when I make art. It feels meditative... and I haven't done any of that lately either. Something about this revelation feels so important right now. I have to gather up some courage to be still and see what happens. Anyway, that is where I have been and what I have been doing. I have missed my Friday Haikus! Anyone else suffer from a constant need to be busy?

Haiku my heart- Recuerda mi corazon

Handy Dandy Random Number Generator

2010-09-27T22:01:00.000-07:00

I tried a new number generator from psychic science!

The winning comments were - comments 18, 35, and 22.

Congratulations to Rebecca, Carol, and Wendy!

Thanks everyone for visiting my blog and leaving such sweet comments.

Hope you have a wonderful week.

Practical Magic- Sisters

2010-09-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

Welcome!

What super fun- and believe me when I say that this has been the best escape for a pretty terrible evening.

The thing that speaks to me most about this film is the relationship between the sisters. My sister and I are incredibly close, and although we don't live near enough- we communicate constantly and I would definitely drive across the country if it meant helping her in some way. She is a part of my heart. With that, I am dedicating this little piece to her. A quick aside, I ended up needing her tonight- and she came to my rescue- from a thousand miles away.

The piece was created in a "Romeo Y Julieta" cigar box.

I was waiting to use it for the right project- what better than for a piece about love?

Gillian-

young and beautiful

she exposes her heart

the butterflies speak to

vulnerable transformations

Sally

innocent strong
amidst cold crystal branches

and glittering blossoms
romantic but safe

I am not sure which sister I am, and which is my sister... but the love feels familiar.
Wishing everyone a happy practical magic blog party!

OH.... how about a giveaway!
I will give away a glass charm pendant with my image of Sally or Gillian - you can pick.
How about 3 lucky winners!
I will choose from comments on Sunday!

I will be working all day on my daughter and son's birthday party,
but can't wait until this evening when I can sit down and enjoy the party!
Feel free to comment:-)

Haiku my heart - Tangled Red

2010-09-23T23:40:00.000-07:00

In searching for a haiku picture today- I found this picture in my archive. I think I was in my early thirties. I don't remember taking this picture at all. I thought it was funny- especially since I wonder about where my daughter gets her theatricality from. When I was in my twenties one of my favorite things to do was to set up my tripod, get dressed up in outlandish costumes and take pictures. I can't imagine doings such a thing today. When someone shows up with a camera, I hide. In 11 days, I will be celebrating my birthday. I think maybe this year, I will try to get over my recent fear of cameras and spend some time playing dress up with my daughter.

Please check out the talented Rebecca's blog,
Recuerda mi corazon
and get linked to all of the other
Friday Haikuers.

Haiku my heart- When she looks

2010-09-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

when she is looking

precocious discovery

creating herself

My little one is theatrical by nature. She loves to look at herself in the mirror and practice her emotional faces and the conversations that she might have with others. She began preschool last week. It was a new school, new children, new teachers, and I was full of anxiety for her. I was always a shy little wallflower. My daughter is so much like me in many ways- but with a confidence that I don't think I ever had. She ran into the school and immediately began making friends. The teachers all remarked on her wonderful social skills - where I continue to feel awkward in a room full of strangers. Where did she learn this? Is it all that practicing in the mirror? Next time I am feeling social anxiety, I think I will try to conjure up my inner Caya Papaya and see what happens:-)

Please check out the lovely Rebecca's blog,
Recuerda mi corazon
and get linked to all of the other
Friday Haikuers.

Find a photo and join in the creativity!

no haiku today....

2010-09-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

I had to skip my haiku this week. I promise to be back on track next week. I spent all of last night eyes glued to the television set watching the fire in San Bruno. I work in San Bruno- about 6 blocks from the fire. I was overwhelmed thinking about the houses that I pass by on Sneath and Skyline- and of the people impacted by the tragedy. Luckily, all of my family, friends, and clients are okay.
I have been a little in my own head this past week. My daughter started preschool - which she absolutely loved- and my son began daycare -which neither he nor I loved at all. The place is wonderful and the people are caring and loving. I know he is in good hands... I just am sad that they aren't mine. He is such a little thing that always wants his mommy. Anyway, it was all feeling pretty tragic... until the fire happened and shook me out of my space of feeling sorry for myself. My plans for this weekend include donating a huge stash of baby clothes to the red cross for the victims of the fire. The fact that they are short on toddler clothes and infant clothes breaks my heart.

Life is tricky... and things could always be worse.

I am not really sure if that makes me feel all that much better.

Haiku my heart - tree

2010-09-02T20:54:00.000-07:00

the view you must have

against blue sky and water

roots firmly attached

I took this picture overlooking the bay. I just loved how this tree was leaning into its environment.
Hoping everyone has a lovely weekend- for many of us a much needed three day weekend!
I plan on doing lots and lots of cleaning... and hopefully some art!

Please check out the lovely Rebecca's blog,
Recuerda mi corazon
and get linked to all of the other
Friday Haikuers... (I think I just made that word up.)

Find a photo and join in the creativity!

Haiku my heart - eating cake

2010-08-26T23:51:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling nostalgic after my last post about the birthday invitations (click here!) I make for my children's birthday parties. I pulled up some of my old photographs of my daughter at past parties. This one was taken two years ago. It is such a cliche to talk about how quickly your children grow up- but when I look at this picture, I ache. She is such my little muse. She can cause me to completely feel like a crazy person- and in another instant, I feel like mothering her is all I was meant to do. Her next birthday party will be in September, and she will share the stage with her brother (we will see how that goes!).

Someone asked last time about my photographs. They are photos that I play with in photoshop. This one I used the colored pencil tool- setting the brightness of the paper to white, and then fading the effect a bit. I also played around with the contrast. I have such a hard time leaving a photograph alone.

Hopefully you can read the Haiku okay. Oh - I did a syllable counter on stained, and it came back as a two... just in case you were wondering :-) I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!

For more Haiku goodness, check out the beautiful Rebecca's blog.

It only takes a few minutes to add your own!

Rebecca's Blog

Birthday Invitation!

2010-08-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

I have always dreamed about being a mother- and about all of the different creative things I would do as a parent.... the bohemian artistic family life that we would lead. I have had a lot of time to think about it. I didn't have my first child until I was 39 years old. My second child came as a sweet surprise from the universe at the age of 42. (A surprise I had been trying for- but really didn't think would happen.) Unfortunately, the reality leaves me with little time for all of the parenting fantasies that I had entertained when I was without children. I didn't really take into consideration that I would have to work full time, that I would have little sleep, that I would live in one of the most expensive areas in the world - and that my children would have their own ideas about how they needed to be parented. Who knew?

But there have been a few ways in which I have been able to stay true to those early visions of mothering. One of the big ones has been around birthdays. Each year, I write a letter to my daughter (and this year I will write my first one to my son). In the letter, I describe the person they are becoming, the milestones, and the way in which they move me. I bought a special album to keep the letters in, but haven't gotten around to that part of my vision yet. I figure as long as I have written the letters- I am doing pretty good.

Another thing I have done is thrown special birthday parties. I love a creative party! And I adore making the invitations. I usually do some basic artwork and then use all kinds of embellishments to complete them. Although I don't have scanned images of the final invitations- I thought I would share some of my basic artwork for the last few:-) The one at the beginning of this post is for the upcoming September joint birthday party. (As long as I can, I am going to try to do these joint parties. I am sure that pretty soon, my daughter will protest.) Their birthdays are only four days apart. So, this is what I have been working on lately. I just finished the web invitation- but I still will send out paper invitations too. I guess I am a purist.

This one was for Caya's first birthday party. We had a mad hatter theme and I made all of the guests wear funny hats. Okay... to be honest, no one agreed to it and I was the only one who wore a funny hat. Caya took off the cute bunny ears within two minutes of beginning the party. I am learning that I can be flexible around my visions- and find the beauty in what happens there.

Haiku my heart - His eyes

2010-08-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

Looking in his eyes

sleepless warm who knows me best

wrapped in tomorrow

August 19th is my husband's birthday. This is my second marriage, and yet I can barely remember a time when my husband and I we were not side by side. This raising of children can be trying- but I feel we have weathered the sleeplessness, the discombobulation, the awkward feelings of not knowing - and are growing as partners. So my haiku today is a thank you to my husband and a wish that this next year is full of creativity, opportunity, laughter, passion, and love.

Thank you Rebecca - for even though my life gets overwhelming,
I always try to at least do this post each week.
For more Haikus- visit Rebecca's beautiful blog and maybe even join us.

click the image below!

Haiku my Heart- fishes

2010-08-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

Under the current

beautiful busy and blue

mermaids can explore

This is my offering for Haiku Friday. I took this picture at the Monterey Bay Aquairium - which is one of my favorite places. Hopefully, I can visit there again soon. I haven't taken my son yet- my daughter used to love it when she was little.

I have neglected my little blog this week.

Too busy with children and work. Hopefully, this week will be better:-)

For more Haikus- visit Rebecca's amazing blog and perhaps you can add to the fun.

click the image below!

Haiku my heart-

2010-08-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

she can feel too much

little heart angry broken

fighting sleep and me

I don't really know why I decided to take her to Target at 5:00 pm without a nap to buy a present for her little friend's birthday party... but I had a huge lapse in judgment. Each small tantrum igniting the next one. My empty threats to leave the cart and go home were of no help. (I needed diapers for my son - so this really wasn't an option). My mother said that I could throw an amazing tantrum when I was little. I can throw a pretty good one now- so I would imagine that she is telling the truth.

Just so you know, I didn't take pictures of my daughter in the midst of her tantrum - although there are times when I look at her eyes full of tears, red face, and pouty lips and think she is quite tragically beautiful- that would feel a little too exploitative and not exactly the empathic nurturing mother I want to be remembered as. The picture above was taken during one of her acting sessions. She loves to have photographs taken while she pretends to have different emotions. (No wonder her tantrums have the emotional intensity of an oscar winning performance).

So- this has been my life as of late. I am learning how to stay calm- and repeating the mantra, that a wise woman told me... "Just because she is upset - doesn't mean I have to be upset. Just because she is emotionally overwhelmed, doesn't mean I have to be emotionally overwhelmed. Just because she is having a tantrum, doesn't mean I have to have a tantrum." Doesn't always work, but I am trying.

To read more haikus on Haiku Friday or
maybe to add your own
visit the enchanting Rebecca
here

Sew Wonderful

2010-08-01T22:43:00.000-07:00

In high school we had the option of signing up for home economics or shop. Boys chose shop, girls chose home economics. Being contrarian by nature, and thinking this might be a good way of meeting boys- I signed up for Shop. I made a very nice wooden stool shaped like a turtle- but I didn't make any love connections. Since that time, I have completely and utterly regretted my decision.

I love clothes! I love fabric! What was I thinking!

I finally found a way to make right that bad adolescent choice I made 25 (or more) years ago. I signed up for an online sewing class! I am so excited, I can't wait to go shopping for my fabrics:-) My husband bought me a machine for my birthday two years ago - and I have used it, but teaching myself has many drawbacks. I have made some lovely playscapes for my daughter, some very funny hats, a couple of wall hangings, and I have hemmed a few pairs of pants. I also have many projects that I have begun- and never finished. Button holes and zippers are daunting tasks that I haven't drummed up the courage to attempt. So, here I go. Of course with working full time, taking care of two small children under 4, teaching, having a relationship with my husband and friends, and trying to still make some art- I will get even less sleep. But who needs sleep! I am too excited! Think of the possibilities!

My machine... I should think of a suitable name for her. Have you named your sewing machine?

Who taught you how to sew?

Haiku my heart- swimming...

2010-07-29T23:05:00.000-07:00

diving in water

her awkward fearless beauty

surfacing happy

I never learned to swim... which is why it has been so important for my daughter to learn. I love how passionate she is about being in the water. It takes all kinds of bribery to get her out of the pool.

Maybe one day she will inspire me to give it a try.

Can't be a mermaid if you don't know how to swim.

To read more haikus on Haiku Friday or
maybe to add your own
visit the enchanting Rebecca
here

Pinkness- Haiku my heart

2010-07-22T22:41:00.000-07:00

distressed and ravaged

wind captures blushing blossoms

keeping you hidden

To read more haikus on Haiku Friday or
maybe to add your own
visit the enchanting Rebecca
here

Frida's waiting

2010-07-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

I can become distracted by all kinds of things. Etsy browsing... beautiful blogs... a gorgeous children's book.. I am also someone who is constantly thinking about new things to occupy my time with. Whether it be investigating for two hours who teaches the best Flamenco Class to where I would move if I left the bay area. In the wake of my distractions lie all of the little projects which never get quite completed. My daughter's alphabet monsters waiting to be hung in the play room - the sketches for paintings that will never see canvas - the little dress I started to pin that never rendezvoused with the sewing machine - the yards and yards of tulle for the colorful tutu that was never made - or those paintings that are near completion, but are missing something that I can't really identify.

My little Frida painting is one such painting.

She sits with her sister waiting for me to figure out exactly what should be said above their heads. "Love yourself" - "Love" - "I had a dream about you" - "Know yourself" ... I am not sure what it should say. Should I write it in English? Should I write it in Spanish? Should I just leave it blank?

Should I write something absurd? (Like - "She didn't know what to say." ) Too many questions... so there she waits for an answer... next to the other little paitings needing to be rescued.

What do you think I should do? Any ideas? Maybe I should sleep with her on my nightstand.and see what I dream about.

Haiku my heart- for my mom

2010-07-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

and I have her eyes

her strong dark intensity

but she has my heart

Feeling much better this week:-) Called my mom, and she cheered me up.
Thought I would honor her this Friday.

It is Haiku Friday!

Please visit the lovely Rebecca for links to more haikus-

and perhaps if you are feeling inspired, you can add your own.

click here!

Haiku my heart

2010-07-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

i am so sorry

wishing i could stop the pain

knowing that i can't

Two very sad things happened this week. Early in the week, one of the special education teachers passed away of a brain aneurysm in her classroom. She had two children under the age of five. The thought of that fact is almost too much for me to hold on to.

The second thing is this morning my best friend told me her father died. I am heartbroken for her. I am of that age- where parents pass away. It is hard to find a friend wth two living parents. I am so blessed that both of my parents are alive and at this moment healthy. My mom battled cancer last year- but emerged cancer free... but I constantly worry. I want my children to really know their grandparents.

Sorry for the sad post. Guess that is where I am today. I need to find ways to move out of this sadness and into a place of thankfulness. Anything can happen- which is why it is so important to always make sure that those in your life know how much you love them- and to try very hard to not take life for granted.

More Haikus- and hopefully much less depressing can be found at the lovely Rebecca's blog

click here!

Mama bear

2010-07-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

I got your back- Michelle Cavigliano

I have interspersed this post with lots of beautiful mama bear prints I found on ETSY.

Click any of the links to look at some very cool artwork:-)

So, by nature I am a bit feisty. When I don't like something, I will be the first to tell you. I have a strong sense of justice- and don't like it when people are treated unfairly. I probably write at least one letter a week to some lawmaker about something that is irritating me. I am the one who is constantly posting links on my facebook page to one petition or another. I teach a class about unlearning racism. I don't like authority figures. I don't believe in complaining without action. I have been this way since I was a little girl. So- how might this translate into being a mom?

Mother Bear - Allysa Hallet

Okay. I think in the two and a half years Caya was in daycare, I wrote a total of about seven angry letters. Angry because they give toddlers stickers- and then take them away when a child misbehaves (a no-no for any behavior management system), a letter because they did a project with what looked like India Ink and didn't use smocks for any of the children, a letter because they didn't give my daughter or the other children much structure, and became angry when the children rebelled. Lots of reasons. At the last parent/ teacher meeting- I became so angry that I pulled my daughter out of daycare. I felt that the caregivers were so animated and excited when talking about my daughter's faults- but lacked any enthusiasm when discussing her strengths. When they became insulting because she likes princesses- I had no other choice but to remove her.

Mama & Baby Bear - lineanongrata

Maybe I want too much. In my professional life, I work with extremely difficult children- but not a day goes by that they don't know how much I care about them. I can tell a parent something heartbreaking about their child (like that I fear the child might be psychotic) and at the same time help a parent find hope. It is something that is important to me. I guess I want the same from those people who I ask to take care of my children.

So, this week I looked at numerous different day cares. Some were full of play with no focus on academics- others were too focused on academics with no play - some were a bit shady - some didn't feel very safe- and some were extremely expensive. Is it too hard to find something that encourages children to learn, is fun, safe, and affordable? I finally settled on one- to find out today, that they are at full enrollment. So, I will begin looking at more preschools tomorrow.

Fiona and her cub- Creative Thursdays

Okay... sorry for the rant. Life just feels complicated. I think I have talked about my daughter many times before on this blog. As someone who diagnoses children for a living, I am constantly looking at my daughter and trying to figure out who she is. Too focused to be ADHD. Too attached to people and attention to be Autistic or Aspergers. No real history of a mood disorder. But what I do have is an extremely sensitive, bright, willful, independent little girl who is not always very compliant. When I am focused and teaching her, she is amazing. She will sit for hours listening to me read to her. She is already sounding out words. Her language skills are incredible- words like ridiculous, hilarious, and exquisite are common. She also can throw a tantrum because she doesn't like the feel of her socks. She cried and became very angry when I tried to watch the news because she can't stand to hear about the oil spill. "Too many animals are being hurt!" She fills my psyche.

Mother Bear's Moon Song - Fuish

Sorry for the long tirade. I am just really struggling. She really is a lot like me growing up. Where do I send her? Will I be writing letters to caregivers forever? Is this normal? Will I ever calm down?
Thanks for listening.

Another mermaid

2010-07-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

I am busy right now grading papers - I only have twenty left of 70! Each paper is about six pages long- so it is still a ton of work. I can't wait to be done so that I can take back my evenings for art making. Anyway, I found an old journal and saw this image I drew six years ago. September 26th is my son's birthday (2009). Interesting. That was actually my daughter's due date too - but she came four days early in 2006. I have had two clients born on September 26th that I totally adored and think about often. Hmmm.
Anyway, I thought I would share this mermaid who was swimming about in my right brain six years ago :-) For those of you who didn't see my last mermaid post - mermaids and me. I actually like her quite a bit. Maybe she is worth visiting in a larger painting.
Okay... it is late. I better get to sleep before the baby wakes up!

Haiku my heart!

2010-07-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

This is definitely how I am feeling this morning! I have been surviving on 4-5 hours of disjointed sleep a night. Hopefully soon the two little teeth I see under the surface will break free and bring my Leo some relief!

Happy Haiku Friday! Follow this link to find more haikus and to maybe add your own!

Click here!

hot hot hot

2010-06-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

It was a sweltering day- but I am proud to say that we left the house and took the kids to the park. Children everywhere- screaming and running in the water. My husband and I took turns following (more like chasing) our daughter from activity to activity- while the other sat on a blanket in the shade with Leo. A beautiful day full of family and sunshine. I didn't do the laundry. I didn't clean up the patio. I didn't read my students' papers (which scare me a little- they are sooo long). I didn't go through the pile of no longer worn baby clothes that are sitting in the bedroom. I didn't take the latest exercise dvd out of the shrink wrap. And I am not going to. I smell like sunscreen. And now I will make art and consider the day a beautiful success.

Haiku My Heart Friday

2010-06-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

Smiling she whispers

"and we are the same person"

I know what she means

For more haikus- check out Rebecca's "Haiku My Heart Friday" links- and join in the fun!

Click here

Summer Begins

2010-06-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

I taught my last class on Thursday then spent the rest of my week getting ready for father's day... and now, I am ready for planning some time to be creative. I am a constant list maker... unfortunately, I am not as great at completing the lists that I create. Life is still overwhelming- but maybe that is just the nature of having a full life.

So... in the interest of trying to organize my chaotic life, I thought I should create a list for my summer! Who knows, maybe I will surprise myself and actually complete a couple of things!

Work on the creative projects around reading for Caya. She has been so super interested in reading lately! I want to do whatever I can to nurture her curiosity and help her have fun learning.
Plan and run my first art therapy group on the coast. I have been tossing around some ideas with a friend about running some art therapy weekend workshops. I am not entirely sure of the subject matter- some ideas I have been thinking of are infertility, loss, and creative blocks.
Start writing an art therapy intervention book. I have been working in this field for such a long time- and I have so much practical knowledge that I think could be useful. Even if I got a basic outline done, I would be happy.
Sew!
Complete at least two new paintings- and post at least five paintings by the end of summer. I have a few pieces that still need to be photographed.

So that is my future. Of course, I would also like to spend more time with my family. We had such a fun day today- just being together, eating good food, and celebrating. One of the gifts I got my husband was a palbum from palbums.com. They are utterly adorable mini albums you can keep in your pocket- I totally love them!

Mermaids & Me

2010-06-13T00:16:00.000-07:00

So I finally finished and photographed my mermaid painting. Now I have decided that I don't like it. It just feels like it needs something. I started to draw all over the finished painting- little jellyfish in white prismacolor. I think I like it a bit more- but I am not entirely sure. I don't know if I should paint in the jellyfish- or leave them as pencil marks ...
I have a history with mermaids. Twenty years ago, I was a performance artist and played a mermaid at art openings and other happenings. I used to bring a bucket of gummy worms and would squeal until children would feed me. I loved being a messy weird mermaid- not the romantic kind in folktales. Here is a picture I found of myself as a mermaid nearly twenty years ago! (Thanks Rachel Diebuechse for keeping this image around!)

I have always been strangely drawn to mermaids. I think it maybe something about how they live underwater. Dream interpreters often say that water symbolizes emotions I definitely live in my emotions. Now I have a daughter who is also a pretty emotional little creature. I have an intense fear of drowning- which may be a fear of my emotions one day fully overwhelming me. Maybe I should take some swimming lessons.
I don't care much for the story of the little mermaid. The notion that in order for the mermaid to be with the one she loved she needed to give up her voice always bothered my feminist sensibilities. My daughter has not seen that movie yet, and when she does- I will have to make sure that she knows that no one is worth taking away her voice. But that is another matter.
A psychic once read my past lives and told me that in one life I used to be a healer. I would go to the ocean to collect items I would use to heal people. Funny, because in this life- going to the ocean and staring at the waves is the one thing that always helps when life is too much. Maybe it has something to do with how big the ocean is. My problems seem so trivial in comparison.
So, back to my painting. I was thinking of the jellyfish as a kind of peril surrounding the mermaid.. but maybe they were only a peril imagined by the mermaid. Maybe that is why they are just a drawing and not fully painted in. Not sure. I will have to keep wrestling with it.

Saturday and the children are sleeping

2010-06-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful day today- and I had a little time to take some photographs of some work! I am still workinig in photoshop to fix all the colors, crop, etc... but thought I would share a piece. I have been using photoshop for a very long time, but have no formal training. I just have fun- and use the undo key constantly. Sometimes after I finish a painting, I will turn it into a completely different piece of art by manipulating edges, color, texture, contrast etc. In the above painting, I first copied the image on a second layer... then I went to the filter tab, and under stylize, I used the "find edges" tool. I punched up the color a bit then made the layer semi-transparent. It is so much fun! Below is the unedited painting:-) I don't know which one I like better. What do you think?

This painting is another one inspired by my daughter. She was sleeping so peacefully- and I was wondering what she was dreaming about. I would love to illustrate a children's book with my daughter as a main character. I know that I should feel extremely blessed in this economy to have a good job that pays well- and that I get to share art with children in therapy every day- but sometimes, I wish for so much more...
Thanks for all of your comments. I love the advice I get from other artist mothers out there! I know things will get easier as the little ones grow. Right now, I am exhausted!!!

this month's inspirations and distractions...

2010-05-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

I have only been posting once a week here lately. I feel like I am running a marathon. For the next four weeks, I am teaching two classes on cross cultural psychology at the local university. I love the class and I feel it is so important- but with the baby, my daughter, and my regular job- I am thinking this maybe my last semester. We will see. I love the passionate voices, the debates about racism, and the way I can feel like an ally to those who are disenfranchised by psychology... but the classes have me working very long hours- I get home after the kids are already asleep twice a week. I know it is just for four weeks, but I still can't help but feel so guilty. I also feel like it is hard to get art time in. But, I thought I would share some of the things I have been thinking about lately:-)

Since my last post, I thought I would include a little picture from my daughter. I have a watercolor station set up on the dining room table. She paints at least ten pictures a day. She has always loved to make a mark. I try very hard to intersperse her paintings with mine around the house. She talks about how we are artists. I love it. I think she is pretty advanced for three and a half! (But of course, I am her mother.) But seriously, don't you love those color choices!

I also was feeling a bit guilty about not talking very much about my sweet little Leo. He is so quiet and non-demanding, that I am afraid he often doesn't get the same attention as his sister. I realized that I haven't even played with his image yet! So, I decided to use the picture I took of him this morning at Caya's dance class and have some fun with Photoshop. I think he will have to be a painting very soon. (I have already started a Caya inspired tantrum painting- but he is definitely next!)
Weather permitting, I will take some nice images of my newest Frida painting and offer a print this week as a giveaway. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend...

Little Frida

2010-05-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

I finished a painting this evening- which makes me unbelievably happy. I started this painting to donate to an auction- but somewhere in the middle, I realized I was painting about my daughter and couldn't give it up. The painting started as a little Frida. I have always loved painting Frida. As a tragic teenager who loved to make art, Frida was my heroine. Twenty-six years later, and I still can't get enough of her image. I remember the first real life Frida painting I ever saw on tour in San Antonio- I couldn't stop crying. She moves me.

Another person who moves me is my daughter. She is an amazing little person. She is so smart that she can frighten me. She spoke a hundred words when she was one. (my husband and I counted) She is extremely verbal and worries about black holes. She is only three. She sits in front of the mirror staring at her reflection as she makes different expressions. Caya happy. Caya sad. Caya surprised. She says she will never stop looking at herself- because she loves herself. She draws unbelievable little people with eyelashes and tutus that dance, cry, and have babies. She sings songs that she makes up with beautiful melodies about how much she loves me. She can also throw a tantrum that can make my blood curdle. She is already telling me that I am ruining her life- just because she can't wear her favorite dress to eat spaghetti. Her new sibling has only increased her penchant for drama. Again she is only three. Through her, I am learning how to be patient and accept her for all that she is- but it is not always easy. I still can't believe I taught parenting classes. I clearly didn't know anything at all about raising a child.

So- in this painting, I began to wonder about Frida. I started stamping in the background... "I wonder what you were like when you were a little girl. Were you exquisitely sensitive? Could you throw a terrible tantrum when things did not go your way? Could you be silly? Did you want to be a princess? Did you know that you were beautiful- wonderful?" I answered on her dress "yes".

Distractions...

2010-05-08T23:51:00.000-07:00

First- sorry I haven't written in a couple of weeks! Life has been hectic.. as usual. I wonder sometimes how I manage to be so busy. I sometimes think that there is something about my constitution that hates sitting still. Maybe it is the ADHD. Not sure exactly. I need to work on my ability to say "NO"... but I think that is pretty much like most women I know. So, I end up seizing every opportunity and stretching myself to the point of almost breaking... and as long as I don't break, I don't really learn my lesson.

My biggest distraction was definitely my trip to Texas and my brother's wedding. My mother is doing so well. The cancer is in remission and she was able to hold her grandson for the first time. So much of her illness I repressed while I was pregnant and after Leo's birth. It was too much to think of my mother struggling with cancer. I called her daily- I prayed- but I didn't really let the full recognition of what was happening seep into my psyche. Seeing her dance with my brother at the wedding made me realize that I could have lost her. It broke me. I cried through the whole song. I feel so blessed that she is healing and strong. I also realized that I want to move closer to my family as soon as possible...

Other distractions- I am still moving things around my home... trying to create spaces for all of the creative people in our family. I need an art studio, my husband needs a music studio, and my children need a dedicated space to play. I will post some pictures this week of my little studio thus far...

I also finished a painting for another non-profit auction. It was for "Project Commotion" which does movement based work with children. I worked on a painting for a while- then realized that it was about my daughter and I couldn't donate it. More about that later. I finally finished an old painting. I think I started it when I wanted to escape. Not really feeling like escaping anymore, I just kind of would like a day to nap.

April showers...

2010-04-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

Lots has happened this week...

First (and most important)- My mother got the news that her cancer has gone into remission! She was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma almost a year ago and had to undergo some brutal chemotherapy. Because the therapy was so intense- and her health was so compromised, she couldn't' travel... and because we had such a new baby, and we have been so afraid of illness too- we haven't traveled either. Which means that my mother has not met my son. (the pictures is of my mom with my daughter) My brother is getting married this coming weekend- and we are packing up the family to go home to Texas. I am beside myself with excitement about introducing Leo to everyone. And I can't wait to hug my mom and feel her beautiful bald head:-) I will have to create a retablo when I return!

I have also been very busy this week giving presentations and starting a new phase in my career doing mental health assessing and diagnosing for children who are having difficulty in school and are at risk of losing their school placement. I am excited about the change- even though I am also a bit worried about how different it will be then doing treatment work. I love knowing my clients for years... it will be hard to work with someone for only fifty days.

We are also getting new carpet in one of our bedrooms- which means everything in the bedroom is currently in the living room and dining room. I really have a difficult time when my space is as chaotic as I am. I am trying to just not pay attention.

Also important- the Oaxaca Street Children Auction has begun! You can visit the site at http://recuerda-mi-corazon.com/. The altars are so beautiful and creative. What an amazing auction hosted by Rebecca Brooks! Please visit and bid on one of the amazing altars! How wonderful that you can get an incredible piece of artwork and also benefit a very worthy cause!

And lastly- I picked a winner using the handy dandy random number generator- and the lucky number was "5"- so congratulations to Faerie Moon Creation! She sells beautiful jewelry on her etsy site. I love this Alice in Wonderland inspired piece... - and I would urge everyone to pay her a visit here!
Okay... I am off to sleep. I have so much to do this week to get ready for my trip!!!
Love,

Una vida, muchas muertes - One life, many deaths

2010-04-09T22:51:00.000-07:00

I have finally finished my cigar box altar for the Oaxaca Street Childrens Grassroots Auction! The biggest changes I have made since the last time you saw it was I added some glitter (I love glitter) and put the birds and banner on the top. I am happy with the way it turned out. I could have kept going, but I am trying to learn how to stop.

This isn't my first altar. I made one for my grandmother when she passed away. It sits above my desk- next to her mocahete (grinding bowl). It was one of the things I inherited from her tamale shop. It is one of my treasures. As an art therapist, I have made many altars with my clients. I remember an altar I made with a young girl for her father. It was so powerful. It took us months to complete.
Anyway, I call this piece- "una vida, muchas muertes". I was thinking about the idea of losses as a form of death. I thought it would be a great art intervention to make an altar around a loss- not of a person, but something else.. The loss of a relationship. The loss of a friend. The loss of a dog. A life is a series of losses... that sounded kind of melodramatic, but it is true. From the cutting of the umbilical cord, we begin our lives losing the comfort of the womb. As a mother, although the birth of my children is this amazing beginning- it is also a loss. A loss of that incredibly intimacy that goes with carrying a child inside you. One of my friends is currently dealing with the loss of having her son go away to school. The losses never end.

These losses are no doubt small compared to the losses that many of the children that Oaxaca Street Children Grassroots provides for. Even though I can complain and whine about my overwhelm, I understand how deeply blessed I am- and I have always felt that with blessings comes responsibility. I hope the gift of this altar is helpful. I will post a link to the official auction on April 16th. The auction will be held from April 17th -April 24th. The altars are beautiful!!! For more information about this amazing project, visit Rebecca's blog at http://www.corazon.typepad.com/ or you can always click on the link in my sidebar. And don't forget to sign up for my April give away!!!

April Give away

2010-04-05T22:51:00.000-07:00

I wanted to be sure and post my give away for the month of April. I wanted to include some new images- but it has been raining every time I have time to photograph (of course when I am completely busy the sun comes out). Anyhow, I decided for this month that I would send a little care package. I will include a couple of artist card prints inspired by my daughter and a glass tile necklace of one of my pieces. All will come to you in my handy dandy Frida mailer:-) So, if you are interested, please leave me a comment. I will choose a winner on April 18th- so please leave a comment by April 17th.... now back to work on my altar for the auction to benefit the Oaxacan street children! Check out the sidebar link for more information. I am hoping to be finished in the next couple of days and have pictures posted!

a little less overwhelmed...

2010-03-31T23:14:00.000-07:00

So, it has been a week since my last post. I have been feeling a bit better than I did last week... mind you, my life still feels overwhelming, but I have been able to gain a better perspective. One thing that definitely helped was visiting Tiger Wings blog. She won my last art giveaway and had such nice things to say about her prize. it made me so happy! I also sold a painting to a wonderful woman in Texas who loves butterflies:-)

I also taught this weekend, which always leaves me feeling energized and connected. I teach a masters level course at Dominican University on Domestic Violence Assessment and Treatment. It is a hard subject matter- but something that I feel passionate about. I used to do work with survivors and their children- and for many years, I also facilitated 52 week batterer's intervention groups mandated through the courts here in the Bay Area. One of my favorite things about teaching is having my students make art. I have always found art to be the best way of reaching people. I would often make the men who struggled to overcome violence use art to get in touch with those emotions that they had stuffed away or just replaced with anger. Anyway, even given some technical difficulties- the class went extremely well.
I also have had a small breakthrough in my little altar! I am hoping to finish it this week and post some pictures. So, things are always in motion.
I painted the painting at the beginning of this post a long time ago- when I was very much struggling and overwhelmed. I was trying to find a place in my career, I was having severe health issues, and I had just dissolved a marriage of ten years. I had a dream that through bruised and torn skin emerged butterflies. Although it was painful, I guess I knew that it would be transformative. I guess it is always in those uncomfortable places where we grow the most. I love so many aspects of my life right now... and they would not have ever happened had I not cried all those tears many years ago.
I am planning another giveaway for this weekend and whenever the sun comes out, I will take some pictures of some new art! Rain rain go away...

Overwhelmed

2010-03-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

I feel kind of emotional today. I am not sure why exactly. It was a hard day at work... I am not sleeping enough...I have to teach this weekend... I want to make art (but I am completely unmotivated.)...my daughter has been acting like a three year old.... my son has been waking up at two every morning.. my mom just finished chemo but we don't know yet if she is cancer free... my living space is extremely bay area tiny... and I am overwhelmed. Some days I deal with the overwhelm better than other days
I sent a picture of myself with my son in his sling to my parents. My mom's only comment was, "You look sooo tired. Are you okay?" Of course I am tired. I am 42 years old, I work forty hours a week, and I have two children under the age of four. If I looked beautiful and well rested- I think something would be seriously wrong.
So, I have spent this evening reading sad blogs and sobbing a bit. Oh well. I did take this fun picture of my daughter in the bathtub. I used photoshop to play with the colors. I think it has a nice dreamy quality. Okay... I better go to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow things will feel better.

Shrine

2010-03-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

For the last few nights I have been hard at work creating my shrine for the auction to benefit the Oaxacan Street Children. It is definitely difficult to get in a groove when I can only work when everyone falls asleep. I keep reminding myself that things will get easier with time- that now is when raising children is physically overwhelming (later it will be emotionally overwhelming, and I am sure I will be nostalgic for these easier days). Anyway... I thought I would share my progress
I have only worked on the inside of the cigar box. In the lid, I did a painting representing night. It is hard to photograph well because I used a lot of gold and blue interference paint- so in person it shimmers. On the other side, I did a painting of a skeleton on bristol board, cut it out, and I have it floating in the space. I covered the inside in decorative paper and painted a small bird. I made a ton of paper flowers, but realize now that I don't really think they add much to the piece- so I am leaving them out for now.
Tomorrow night, I will try to figure out what I am going to do with the exterior of the box... as long as everyone goes to sleep on time. If you want to see an amazing shrine by Christine Alvarado- click here

Inspired Distraction

2010-03-13T23:34:00.000-08:00

I have talked a bit before about my deficiencies in the realm of attention. I have such difficulty staying on task and if I don't complete a project in a week - it will sit in my little studio space for years without being finished. As a therapist, I often want to psychoanalyze this character flaw - but I think the real issue is that I become inspired so often by things that are beautiful. So- in honor of beautiful things, I decided to have my monthly blog post where I can show you the artwork that is distracting me. (The above painting is a self portrait I made over twenty years ago. I just realized it is hanging over the baby's changing table... maybe I need to move it.)

This is a textile work that I am utterly in love with. It is by a woman named Betty Busby. You can click on her image to visit her etsy store. She has a slide show of her work here. I look at this, and I think- maybe I should work with textiles.. I want to try!

Another textile work that I have fallen in love with. The artist, Jen Swearington, creates these beautiful pieces on recycled bed sheets. It is taking everything in me not to go searching through my linens for a discarded pillow case so that I can give it a go.

This little bird is by the artist Emily Sutton. I just think it is amazing. Her website is full of whimsical songbirds and illustrations. I decide that I need more birds in my artwork. I have a few hummingbird pieces and a couple of crow pieces...

Every time I read my daughter an Ana Juan book I decide that maybe I should illustrate a children's book. If you haven't read her books- I would really recommend them. The artwork is stunning, emotional, and magical. You can visit her website here.
I become so overwhelmed with creative possibilities that I end up not getting much of anything accomplished. Anyone else become paralyzed with creative possibilities?

March Give-away!

2010-03-06T23:40:00.000-08:00

I had so much fun giving away some art last month, that I have decided that I want to do it every month. So- this month I am giving away a set of "Global Children" ACEO prints (Art Cards, Editions, & Originals) The set includes Afghanistan, Miao, and Unknown child. I love making artist cards because of their size. Something about the small nature of the cards creates intimacy. I also like that I can complete the painting while children are napping or in one evening

The details...
This is a set of three 2.5"x3.5" prints of original artwork. They are printed using archival pigmented inks on Museo Max archival fine art paper (250 gsm). Each piece is signed and dated on the back. Watermark will not be present on final images.

So what do you have to do to enter this drawing? Simply leave a comment after this post. Please be sure that your comment will connect me to your e-mail address. I will use the random number generator to pick a winner on March 13th. If for some reason I can not reach the person who wins by March 15th, I will select someone new.

ETSY treasuries!

2010-02-28T21:21:00.000-08:00

Once I figured out how to do it, I absolutely love making treasuries on ETSY. It is so much fun browsing through all of the beautiful art that ETSY has to offer and then curating my own little art show. The only problem is there are so many treasuries, that it is pretty difficult to get any exposure. So... I thought I would share some screen shots of my last few treasuries here! I also thought I would give a quick tutorial for those of you who haven't yet become addicted to creating your own little miniature online exhibit.

Step One... log onto your ETSY account and go to the poster sketch tool. This is a great place for you to set up and play with your images. You don't need to save anything, all of the images that you choose will be uploaded automatically. It is a very easy site to use. Simply choose your images and put in the listing ID and voila- there it is. You can simply use your mouse to drag and drop images anywhere that you would like.

Step Two... Once you have opened up the poster sketch tool, you are going to need a theme ... either a subject matter theme or a color scheme. Color schemes tend to work best- and from what I can tell, they are more likely to be chosen for a front page. Once you choose your theme, simply search ETSY for your images. Because so many people make treasuries based on color, all of your ETSY listings should have the colors in your photograph listed under your tags. And remember, you can fit more than one word on a tag. For example- "blue, green, gold" can be one tag. ETSY doesn't really allow you to put in more than one of your own pieces in any given treasury.

Step Three... So, you have your poster sketch completed. Go to the bottom of the page and click the copy button for the listing ids. I then paste this in a word file and move each id onto a separate line so it will be super easy to copy and paste. If anyone knows of some other way to get the items from the poster sketch tool to the actual treasury... please let me know!!!

Step Four.. Go to http://www.craftopolis.com/ This site will not only let you know if your work is currently in any treasuries, but it has a nifty "Treasury clock" that will tell you when the next treasury will be opening. Treasuries only allow new entries when the number goes below 222.... but once it goes below, they usually let in a number of treasuries at one time (which is why the number goes way over 222). This is a totally great website! I don't think I would ever get a treasury without it. So, when the arrow gets into the red and it says "Opening soon." you need to be logged onto your ETSY account, and click on the "click here for treasury button" on the craftopolis site. There are two treasuries... the main treasury & treasury west. You can only be in one treasury at a time.

Step Five... You are logged into your etsy account and you are now waiting for the treasury to open. DO NOT REFRESH YOUR SERVER. I spent a long time refreshing, and by the time the site would upload, I would have missed my chance. It will automatically refresh itself. You should be scrolled to the bottom of the page where it says "treasury is full"... when the time is right, a space will open up and you will be able to type in the name of your treasury. You can't change it later, so choose wisely!

Step Six.. Copy and Paste your listings into the boxes- and you are done! ETSY frowns against sending out notices to people that you have included them in your treasury. They think it is kind of like spam. I do notify a few people, just because I would want people to tell me... but be careful. If you send out a bunch of e-mails at one time, your conversations will be cut off.

Now you are on your way to making Treasuries and discovering new favorites! Hope this is helpful:-) It has been raining cats and dogs here - so I haven't been able to photograph my last painting. I hope to get it uploaded this week, and I also will have a little giveaway too! Have a beautiful week!

Parenting...

2010-02-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

So, this schedule of working all day and my husband working all night has been feeling more than overwhelming. It is hard to be my best when I am tired, overworked, and know there are a million household chores that need to be done... and all I want to do is make art. Having children is unlike anything in this world. There is nothing that can cause me to run the gamut of emotions in one day. At one moment I can get so angry with my daughter for doing something very three year old like, that I find myself needing to take a time out... the next moment I look at her and I am so overcome with love that I am weeping What a mess mothering can make you.
I taught parenting classes for years before having children. I thought that I knew it all. I didn't know anything. I didn't understand how every child is different and how a one size fits all parenting model doesn't really work. I was going to be a sling wearing, breast feeding super mommy- whose children would never watch television or play with barbie dolls. My daughter hated all slings. (I spent nearly 500 dollars on different models trying to find the right one- she would arch her back and protest loudly in all of them.) Breastfeeding was extremely difficult- and it took everything in me to be successful. Caya loves television- and without television, I would never get any laundry done or be able to make her a meal. Mind you, I am still very careful about the amount of television and the type of television that she watches- but still, I understand that flexibility is really what parenting is all about. Oh yeah, she loves barbies too.
We went to the library today with a very good friend who is also a therapist. Caya didn't want to leave the library, so I whispered in her ear and she said, "okay!" and held my hand as I led her out of the library. My friend commented on how nice it was to see that I could reason with Caya. I admitted that I bribed Caya with a chocolate animal cracker I had in my purse in case of emergencies.
It will be fun to learn more about Leo. Thus far, he loves slings and took to breastfeeding immediately. His temperament is calm and cool and the one thing he loves more than anything is his sister. She can make him laugh like no one else. Hopefully, he will also like animal crackers.

And the winner is...

2010-02-15T19:51:00.000-08:00

I used the random number generator and of the 150 entries... # 74 won!

So, congratulations to Tina of Ready, Set, J.E.T & Kaotic Krafter. I have sent an e-mail out so hopefully I will hear from her soon and send off the goodies. If I don't hear from her within a couple of days, I will select another winner.
It has been so much fun giving away something, that I think I want to make this a monthly occurrence. I will try to have something posted the first of each month, and do a giveaway at the end of the month. What fun! So far, I don't think I won anything, but I found so many amazing websites and artists that I feel like a big winner! Thank you so much Lisa for such a great event!

Caya and Leo

2010-02-07T23:02:00.000-08:00

This has been such a hectic week! I did start a new painting loosely based on my daughter. She asked for a painting of a mermaid- we will see how it goes I posted my first pass at her face above. The painting will be 10" x 20". I just love that size canvas. It is small enough that I can complete a painting quickly- and such a lovely proportion. I love to begin my paintings with a black canvas. There is something about the metaphor of bringing something out of darkness that appeals to me. I feel like it adds a level of drama that I can't always get when I start with a white canvas. Does anyone else feel that way?
On an interesting note, this week I found out quite by chance on the internet, that my grandfather's name was Olegario and his nickname was "Lio". I never knew my grandfather- to be quite honest, I didn't even know his name. He died before I was born. What is so interesting about this is that my son's name is Leo. What is even more interesting is that my daughter's name is Caya (named after my grandmother, Cayetana). So my children are named Caya and Leo.. and my mother's parents were named Cayetana and Lio. Weird. What is also odd, is that my mother had completely forgotten that her father's nickname was Lio. Anyway, it made me feel very connected to my ancestry on some psychic cosmic kind of level. Okay... I better get to bed. My 4:00 am feeding is just around the corner!

Counting my blessings

2010-02-03T22:50:00.000-08:00

My first week back to work is almost over. I think I have been surviving fairly well. I am lucky in that I can come home to breastfeed for lunch- and my day is over pretty early. All in all, it could be a lot worse. Tomorrow, the children I work with will be attending the Special Olympics basketball tournament- so that should be fun. So, I am just trying to hold on to the positive- and let go of those feelings of sadness that I was so stuck in last week. When I went back to work after my daughter was born, it was hard- but not this hard. I don't know why things feel so different with my son. Maybe because he has been such an easy little baby. I have been so relaxed and happy. I have made tons of art.
The story of my daughter is an intense one of longing and disappointment and finally triumph. I tried to have her for so many years. And after a long struggle with infertility- I was able to get pregnant with the help of some amazing IVF doctors. She was my first miracle. For any of your who have undergone IVF, you know that it isn't an easy road. You spend thousands upon thousands of dollars for the mere chance that you might get pregnant. My husband and I decided that we could not do it again. So with great sadness, I thought my daughter would be an only child. My siblings have always been an integral part of my identity... I was so sad at the thought that she would be without that experience. And then, last year in January, when my daughter was two years old, I became pregnant. At age 42, I gave birth to my beautiful son. My second little miracle. Life can be pretty wonderful.
So... I am back to work, and although I can sit and feel extremely sorry for myself- I have been amazingly blessed. I am trying to stay in relationship with that notion about myself. That I may not be rich, or get to stay home, or have a job that I love, but I am blessed beyond words.
Ps. I promise that the next blog entry will be more happy upbeat and full of art!

Last week off..

2010-01-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

This is the Friday before the weekend of the Monday that I will go back to work. Leo has been teething all day and struggling. I have been struggling too. I know that we will all adjust- but I don't want to adjust. These last four months at home with Leo have been magical. It is where I should be.
When I first became a therapist, I thought it was some kind of calling. I always cared so much for the struggle of other people- but now I don't feel the same way. I feel like it has just been another form of martyrdom. Putting others before myself - like so many of my Latina ancestors before me. To say "I want" always felt so selfish. It always felt like I should only "need". Does that make sense? I still care deeply about others. I give my money and my voice whenever I can- but I want to put the same energy into me. As a therapist, you hear so many stories of heartache and trauma. It can be deeply affecting. Maybe things will feel different when I get back to work. Maybe this time away will help me to feel a healthy distance and I can feel some balance.
I haven't made much art this week- too busy visiting blogs on the OWOH magical carpet ride! Which has been amazing! I have been exposed to so many wonderful artists! I am so inspired to create- maybe tonight when everyone goes to bed I will try to make a painting.

magic carpet ride!

2010-01-25T22:44:00.000-08:00

I love the idea of a blogger open studio... and have been visiting all kinds of amazing sites all evening as my little one sleeps peacefully.... so I decided I want to be a part of this! For more information you can click on the image on the side bar. An important part of this world wide open studio is that each blogger is giving away something to someone at random who leaves a comment on their blog after this post. I have already thrown my hat in the ring for some very beautiful and precious things!! So.. here is my give away.

3 Frida Ornaments- 2" x 2". Each ornament is a reproduction of one of my original paintings of Frida Kahlo. Each small print is professionally printed on high quality metallic paper and framed in glass and an antique copper memory frame.

Please make sure that if you leave a comment that there is a way that I can contact you (an e-mail address) if I am not directed to your own blog. I know there are lots of beautiful blogs to investigate - and I am so glad that you stopped by to visit me. Please check in again soon! Deadline to leave a comment is February 14th, 2010 at midnight PST(California). I will choose a winner at random and announce the winner on February 15th, 2010!

Setting Goals

2010-01-25T11:00:00.000-08:00

So... it is said that the best thing you can do to reach your goals is to first write them down. I am a firm believer in breaking down big goals so that they are not quite as daunting. As a therapist, I often will set very small goals so that both my client and myself can feel successful and build upon that success. There is nothing like momentum when you are trying hard to achieve something. So.. here are my goals for the week!

1. Have a total of thirty listings in my ETSY store by Sunday
2. Make some cookies.
3. Start working on valentines day cards with my daughter.
4. Clean out the art cabinet in the music room- which we hope to be converting into a special room for my daughterl
5. Send my mother a package.
6. Enjoy this last week with my son before I go back to work.

I will keep you posted as to how I do! The image in one of my most recent additions to my ETSY store. I have been having so much fun making art these past few months. I have to really work hard to make sure that continues even after I go back to work.

one more week..

2010-01-24T21:48:00.000-08:00

In one week I have to go back to work. No more staying home with my little one- breast feeding through the Today show and then making art while he sleeps. I love how he wakes up in his swing and watches me make art. So peaceful, joyful, and content. I love him so much that every part of me aches. The sadness I feel about going back to work is overwhelming. I also am completely worried about my mother who is battling cancer a thousand miles away from me. I want to go home. I want to be with my family. I don't want to go to work. It is so hard to be a therapist and put all of my own problems and issues neatly away so that I can be present for someone else.
I have to focus on what is good in my life.. and the fact that in this economy, I am lucky that I am paid well to do the work that I do. I am just going to try to keep focused on what kind of life I want- and really work hard to find ways to create the life I am desperate for. It may not happen right now.. but it will happen soon

Valentines Day Card Entry

2010-01-22T10:04:00.001-08:00

So.. I have decided to try my hand at designing a color yourself valentine day card for a contest from the bloggers at Cool Mom Picks. Disclaimer: I did this with very little sleep after midnight... but I am proud that I actually accomplished something. Yesterday I soothed a teething baby all day long, did six loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, the living room, and my bedroom, played with Caya, and did a little art. Not bad.

http://www.coolmompicks.com/valentines-design-contest/

2010

2010-01-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

I really want to spend this year doing those things that make me happy- and finding ways to change those things that do not. Currently, I teach, do therapy, and create art. I love teaching- and I am desperate to make art... but I am a little burnt on doing therapy. I want to live the life that I want for my children... they will use me as an example. The best thing you can do for your children is be happy. So that is my major resolution for this year.

Making and selling art

2009-12-01T23:16:00.000-08:00

I sold a painting last week- my fourth painting to sell in the last three months. I am so happy to have sold a piece, but can't help but feel some melancholy as well. People seem to be most drawn to those paintings that are extremely personal and emotionally charged for me. Those paintings that I make with the pure intention of selling are of no interest to a prospective buyer. So why am I selling? Partly because with a new baby, I can use the money... but more so because it is time to let go of some of these pieces and the feelings attached to them. Like the piece of the little girl who lost her family in the tsunami. I painted her when I thought that I could not have any children. I was childless- and she was motherless... and the painting was the only thing I felt like I could create to fill that void. That was four years ago... and now I have two beautiful children. She was still so hard to say goodbye to- but I know she has a good home.
Pavel Filinov was this eccentric Russian artist who felt that each piece of art he created was alive and that with time, they would change and grow- just like children. That notion has always resonated with me. Maybe they don't change... but my relationship to them does change, which I guess is really what art is all about...

Leo

2009-11-18T22:20:00.001-08:00

Leo came on September 26th, 2009. It was quite a difficult pregnancy- but a pretty easy birth... well as easy as birth can be:-) Perhaps because this time around I had no preconceived notions about what might take place. I simply trusted my body and my son to do what they needed to do. When the pain was too intense, I decided for the epidural and took a nap. Woke up and had a baby. Pretty cool. Letting go has never been my strong suit. I generally like to make things more difficult than they need to be... but I am learning.
Leo is now six weeks old. He is beautiful and healthy and I am feeling very blessed with this amazing gift. He sleeps a lot and I have been able to paint! Which has felt wonderful... but more about that in my next post. My daughter has had some trouble adjusting, but I trust her process and try to show her as often as I can how much I adore her.
Breastfeeding has been slightly painful, but I am enduring and working through. He is gaining weight like a champ, and I am feeling successful and happy. Being an older mom can be hard on the body, but except for an unfortunate accident with my eyelash curler that destroyed half of my eyelashes- I am doing okay. I guess it really doesn't matter since I pretty much stay in my pajamas all day.

almost midnight...

2009-09-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

and here I sit feeling my little one kick and tumble. His movements are so much stronger than Caya's were. I can see my stomach undulating... waves of elbows and knees.... hands reaching... a pointed little ankle jutting from below my chest. There is truth to the notion of sadness that a mother feels when she knows that soon she will have to share this little one with others. He will no longer be mine alone. I won't be the only one to tell when he is sleeping and when he is awake. The intimacy that we have shared will end- and our new relationship will begin.

Some theorist talks about how life is a series of losses... and how dealing with each impending loss is the true task of being human. The first loss is the loss of the comfort of the womb. The cutting of the cord. No matter how difficult this pregnancy has been, I will miss this time we have shared together. You are my miracle and I am already so deeply in love with you that it hurts.

Checking in..

2009-09-05T00:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while... but that is kind of my adhd life. I start something- and then forget about it. I told a friend that I started to write a book, but got bored around page two. If I don't complete a painting in a day or so, I never will complete it. Kind of sucks. I probably could use some kind of intervention. Maybe some adderall after the baby stops breastfeeding. Jack Kerouac wrote On the Road in three weeks on a prescription for adderall. Can't be all bad.... Plus it would get rid of that extra baby weight:-) I don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs... maybe it is time to kick the sobriety habit just long enough to get some stuff done.

My sister reminded me that I have a blog today, so I thought I might as well check in. This pregnancy has not been easy. Sick, tired, swollen... and bleeding when I am not supposed to be. Tuesday I went in for fetal monitoring and had four contractions in twenty minutes. The administrator looked a bit freaked so I had to go to my ob. It's funny how you can have a stomach that sticks out like a basketball, and yet you can completely and utterly disassociate from the notion of actually giving birth. When she told me that she was concerned that I might be in the early stages of labor, I could no longer hold on to the denial that this baby will in fact have to come out at some point... and that generally means labor. I became hot, nauseated, sweaty, and felt as if I might pass out. I called my husband crying. Turned out to be a false alarm... so now I am back to the happy denial place again. What a relief!

Sunday is my daughter's third birthday party. Three weeks early- but I was a bit afraid that the impending birth of her little brother might interfere with her party plans. She is so happy about having a little brother. She is already telling me how she will comfort him... how she will protect him... how she will share with him... how they will love each other. Of course, she also tells me that I pretty much belong to her, and that the baby gets daddy. I imagine it will be a challenging experience for her. She is such a beautiful and amazing little spirit. I adore my siblings... and was so afraid that she would not have the opportunity to share her life with a sister or brother.

I guess all in all... life is good.

Caya and Lulu

2009-06-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

This is another Acrylic painting inspired by my daughter. One night, I started telling stories to Caya about a golden monkey that she found in a magical forest. She named the monkey Lulu. I was surprised when I looked online and saw there was actually a kind of monkey called a golden monkey. Since that night, she now has a stuffed golden monkey she sleeps with -and wants new adventures constantly about herself and her golden monkey.
Caya ended up looking a lot older in this painting. I am not sure why. Maybe because sometimes she does seem a lot older to me than her two and a half years.
My biggest dilemma right now is figuring out how to purchase a new computer that doesn't need to be rebooted two or three time a day... and buying an archival printer so I can start making prints of my artwork. I keep going back and forth between the rational me that says save your money, you are about to have a baby... and the more impetuous me that says spend the money- start making prints... maybe something special will happen....

Caya and the Bunny

2009-06-26T23:59:00.000-07:00

I am not exactly sure what this painting is about. I just like drawing rabbits- and love drawing caricatures of my daughter:-) Everything I paint tends to be a bit dark... even when I try to paint something fun for my daughter. I guess you can never really take the goth out of the girl. The painting is acrylic on canvas- 10" x 20". I generally paint in oils, but since I am pregnant I have to use a less toxic material.

all best laid plans...

2009-06-26T23:42:00.001-07:00

Okay, So I started this blog so that I could take part in a community making Frida clothes... I got a beautiful sewing machine, started planning my design, and then... my ADHD set in, and of course I forgot about the whole project. I also forgot about this blog.
So what has happened to me in the last few months... well lots. I seemed to have gotten pregnant- I guess that is the biggest news. At 41, it seemed unlikely- but then you just never know what the universe has in store for you. Our family is expecting a little boy on September 30th- just eight days after my daughter's third birthday... and only four days before my 42nd birthday. We are all very excited- and my daughter is already loving the title of "big sister".
What this pregnancy has also done is really put into light the fact that although I am so happy with many aspects of my life- there are lots of things that could be better. One of the biggest things is that I need to make art.
Being a therapist is an amazing job- sometimes. I have worked with adults and children- men and women - and I feel like I am a changed woman for all of the amazing stories that I have been a witness to. But with cuts in programs and a more stressed out work environment - I am feeling more and more disillusioned with this work. I am sure that I will at some point regain the passion that I used to have... but for now, I need a break.
I was telling my husband last Friday how I hated the idea of going back to work on Monday... and then I had an asthma attack... and I broke my rib. I spent the night in the Emergency Room, big pregnant belly sharing the gurney with my daughter as we slept waiting for tests. I got some time off... it wasn't exactly the break I was asking for... but oh well.
This week off of work has been difficult. I am in a lot of pain and using lots of pain medicine that the doctors assured me are safe. But I have been driven to make art. I finished two paintings this week- and I am evaluating how I can make art a larger part of my life...
so... I decided that will be the new emphasis for this blog.

Birthday

2008-10-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

Today I turn 41 years old. I have to say that although I am irritated with my work- most other things in my life are pretty wonderful. I have a loving spouse who is emotionally supportive and giving- and he is the most amazing father to our daughter... I have a two year old daughter who is my miracle. She is funny, smart, creative, loving, and utterly beautiful... I have a loving and generous family who is always there when I need them... I have creative and interesting friends who inspire me... Things are good.

On the enneagram, I am a 4. The enneagram is an ancient personality classification system. The 4 is the tragic artist. We are creative, introspective, and emotional beings who focus on issues of justice- all pretty good things. We are also the one type on the enneagram that is constantly searching for that which is missing- not such a good thing. I want this year to be about being grateful for what I have- and not about focusing on what I do not have.

Synchronicity

2008-09-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

Things in my work life have not been wonderful. I am a therapist working with disturbed youth- and for the first time, I feel burned out. In the classes I teach, I warn my students about vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue, and burn out. Those times when the work overwhelms you and you lose touch with your own psychological reality. I am emotionally exhausted. I need a break from caring about everyone else. I am labile and non-compliant. And when I am in this space, I don't take very good care of myself. I don't eat well, I don't exercise, and worse of all I don't make art.

So in the midst of this realization that things in my emotional world need to change- I see the Frida show. Another exciting thing that occurs is my husband buys me a brand new sewing machine for my birthday! During a mommy break, I am browsing around on the internet and I find a woman in New Zealand who is putting together a group of creative individuals who will work for the next year on Frida inspired outfits. So... I am joining them:-) I will try to post my progress here!

Hello

2008-09-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

I am not sure exactly what to say.. except hello. I am hoping to use this blog to connect with others- find a community of mothers and artists- and to sometimes rant about politics, psychotherapy, and being a mother in her early forties.
I recently saw the Frida Kahlo retrospective at the SFMoma- and I thought about how much I have neglected the artist within me. I have been a Frida fan since I was fourteen. I remember crying when I saw my first Frida painting. Since then, I have fallen in love with many other artists and poets- but she will always be my first love. One thing I took from the exhibit was the importance of reconnecting with my creative self. Perhaps I can use this blog as a form of accountability.